Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
