Can Purell be used as lube?
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
