My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
