You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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