By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
