ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
i drank out of a bidet.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
