Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
