We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
