all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
We're too hungover to prance.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
