I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
