winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Randomize
