They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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