but the lizard people decide everything anyway
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
nutella sex= disaster
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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