Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
