I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
