After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
There r osticjed everywhere
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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