Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
And then he peed in my hair
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