How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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