non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
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