two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize
