if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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