Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
