youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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