i just wanna soil my oats bro
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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