Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
