You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
