dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
