i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
