Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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