I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize