I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
