I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
