We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
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