I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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