The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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