Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
