I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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