so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize