it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I didn't notice because vodka
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Randomize
