You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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