It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
