If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Randomize
