Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
