.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
