just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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