Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
