I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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