i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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