Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Randomize
