5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
