Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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