You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
