Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
