I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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