I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
