I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Randomize
