just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
