my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
