she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
