and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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