God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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