I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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