I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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