i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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