I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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