If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
