So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
