I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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