The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
no, he came in my armpit
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
This is my gift to your gina
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
