Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
