also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
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