So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize