3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
