I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
