I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
