Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
When are your genitals available?
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
