I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
