sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
