Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
