How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
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