My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Found the puke drawer
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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