Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Drake has all the answers
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
