Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Randomize
