some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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