when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
