I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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