When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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