Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
