help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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