woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
