I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
