all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
