Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
God gave him joint rollers for hands
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
