Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Randomize
